|Parent:||oh it's his first words!|
|Baby:||not all men|
|Parent:||put it back|
|Me:||*out for dinner with my dad because we were too lazy to cook*|
|Random Old Lady:||*comes up out of no where with the most judgmental look ever* (will also be refereed to as 'ROL')|
|ROL:||Isn't he a little old for you?|
|Me:||Well, considering he's my Dad, I'd say that your a judgmental hag.|
|Dad:||*chokes into his drink*|
|ROL:||You should respect your elders.|
|Me:||You should respect your youth, we're the ones who'll decide on whether or not to pull your cord in like, what? Five weeks?|
|Dad:||*chokes on his drink again*|
|Dad:||*looks at me with a disapproving look*|
|Dad:||Come on, you and I both know it will be three weeks.|
When my mom’s out in public, she sends me pictures of lesbians she sees.
Jesus I envy that relationship.
this is like the time when my mum took me bra shopping and the girl measuring me up was a lesbian and my mum said to me “i’ll go take a walk around the shop so you can talk to this nice young girl” and gave me a look as if to say “chat her up”.
My mum tries to push me towards cute possibly gay girls and then disappears. She did it in Primark once and I found her hiding behind a pile of knickers, watching me.
i love all of your moms
When I was 17 I was convinced I was in love with the check out girl at the grocery store 5 minutes away from our house, so my dad went to get milk and somehow found an appropriate point in the conversation while buying a half gallon of milk to give her my number. Three days later she called me and asked if I wanted to come over “to watch a movie” and long story short my dad got me laid thanks dad.
That last story is worth reblogging
|Mom:||sissy? Can you say sissy?|
|Baby:||SWISS FUCKING CHEESE GODDAMNIT|